This is the place I'll come and share random thoughts, comments and some basic BS I feel is worth sharing. You, however, may not feel like it’s worth reading. I make no promises that any of it will make sense, or will even make you laugh… Although, I will certainly try.
I hope you enjoy my musings and my insanity!

P.S. Don’t forget… Tip your waitress on your way out the door!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Revelations

Hello all,
It's late and I was about to go to bed but all of the sudden I felt an urge to write. Some things have come into perspective for me in the past couple of weeks.
Blame it on me having surgery or being on pain meds... or even then catching a damn cold right when I am supposed to be recovering from my big surgery... I know... WONDERFUL!

You probably want to know what surgery I had... It was elective which for some reason I have in my head doesn't count or that maybe I don't deserve to get well wishes or prayers for safe/successful recovery since I brought this on myself. Hmm, my mind is demented I know... Don't go there... LOL

Anyway, quickly I will tell you because it's not what I want to talk about tonight.
I had a tummy tuck. NOW many of you have seen me in pics. I am thin... however... I have had 3 BIG babies... one over 8lbs, the next over 7 and the last was a whopping 9lbs. The first one ruined my tummy... the last two just made it worse. SOO I wanted it fixed. After 19yrs I wanted a cute tummy again... also I had the boobs done a few years ago, again to repair baby damage... they needed a little touch up so while I was in there we did that too. I had one other procedure done that I won’t mention. If you are a woman who has had kids and are curious feel free to ask in comment and leave your email... I will let you know privately. (NO I DIDN'T HAVE IT TIGHTENED UP...*rolls eyes*)

Anyway...
Back to my revelations...
I believe that God reveals things to us when he feels we are ready to see them. Like maybe our eyes saw over and over again before but our soul didn't really recognize. Now for whatever reason it's become clear. We have a new set of eyes or ears for that matter. Now we get to decide what to do with this new information.

My father said to me a few years ago, and I quoted it in a poem once... "You get too attached, you have always been this way, even as a child" He was right I do...
I get way too attached to people.
I give and give to them and I try to be the best friend I can be to them. NOW this is not to say that I am not a pain in the ass... BELIEVE Me I know I am! I have a lot of expectations of people... most times people cant live up to them. I could go on and on about how high maintenance I am as a friend.
With that being said though I bring a lot of good things to the table too. I have a mothering heart. I love you and care for you and make sure you have what you need. I hold you up when you are down, I loan you money and don't expect it back in return... I also let you fall on your ass when I think you need to learn a lesson.
Above all I try to love you unconditionally.
I am not perfect at any of this and I screw up a lot... Find myself making a lot of amends.
I love people. I am a true extrovert. I love attention; love to be the center of attention. I love to make new friends.
My adopted dad said once to me over 15 yrs ago, (long story and diff then the dad ref. above) "I have many…many acquaintances...I only have a few friends. In fact I can count them on one hand"

I thought this was the strangest thing. I mean... There are so many people in my life that I consider friends... SO MANY...I can’t count them all really.
BUT.....
When I look back over the last 15 years... How many people are still present in my life? How many are still friends. REAL friends. Friends who would fly across the country in a heart beat if I needed them. A few names come to mind. These people I could go 10yrs without speaking to and if I called them right now and said "I NEED YOU" they would be here... But many others, not so much...even current ones I see everyday.

So once again... I am faced with really looking at those around me.
Who really are my friends?
What is a real friend?
What do I want that to look like for me?
Lastly what kind of friend do I want to be?
All very good questions.

It makes me sad though, because I want to believe that everyone I care for... that I so freely give my love and friendship to would give me back the same... This is not always the case and I end up hurt... like my father said... I get too attached, I always have.

So here in my late 30's I would like to know... Who are my friends? My REAL friends...?
Not the ones that just say they are, not the ones that are attached to me and my husband and what our marriage looks like for them... not the ones that are around because yeah really, Its nice to be around us, in our home.. We’re comfy... we have open hearts and open arms. All are welcome. Ask anyone who has spent time here with us. It's nice here.

I want to know who my friends are....
Right now I can name only two for sure.

My daughters God Mother. I know that she will always be there and even when she has hurt me she always comes back and stands true. Stands by ME! ME!!! No matter what I do, what mistakes I make or whatever... she is there.

I also know that my Best Friend and sister in recovery will always be there for me and love me unconditionally! THANK GOD for that!


What do you all think?
Have you ever thought about who your friends really are?

That's all I have. I hope you comment for me because I am really curious about your thoughts.

Love and Kisses to you all...

Wookiesgirl!

5 comments:

Jinxie said...

Real friends, true friends…yeah, I have a handful of those. Cyn is in the number one spot and always will be, regardless. She earned my trust 18 years ago and hasn’t once broken it. I haven’t seen her in 15 years, talk to her rarely, but it doesn’t matter because I could pick up the phone right now, call her, and it’d be just like we talked yesterday.

So yes, I do actually know who my real friends are. They're usually the only ones I keep in contact with over the years or care about enough to actually make a call once in a while.

H.C. Zuerner said...

I am as you see me. =)

Daddy Rocks Hard said...

I don't have words now for reasons you are aware of. I have often thought on these same things. I love that you can express it. Rejoice in what you have around you. You are loved.

Anonymous said...

I love you Hunny-Bunny! Forever, and always... no matter what! *smooches*

PK said...

Knowing who your friends are...not as easy as it may seem. When I moved across the country, from Boston to LA, I was surprised who cared enough to keep in touch and how easily it was for certain people I considered close to just "out of sight, out of mind" me. Five years later I faced a personal crisis the likes of which I'd never imagined I'd experience. Again, it amazed me who stuck by me and who turned their backs. Helped me out a lot, though, as now I know who my friends AREN'T. Le sigh.

In any case, I'm so glad to have met you, new friend! We seem to me to be two peas in a pod. One helluva pod, at that!
xoxoxo

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