The Definition of Me

Guest post I wrote for @LidiaAnain's website.

Enjoy!

http://lidia-anain.com/what-makes-me-tick-seeking-our-own-truths.html

Queen Bitch!

Hello, my Lovelies.

I know it’s been a little while since I’ve posted anything. I think it’s finally time don’t you?

Today I want to talk to you about me. (There’s a surprise, huh?)

I’ve labeled myself a Bitch. Honestly, others have labeled me that, as well. At one time it was a joke on Twitter.

I love to be right and I usually am, *grin* not really- so, I started calling myself the “Queen of Rightdom in the Land of Who Knows Where.”

Over the years, I’ve been called a Bitch, many times. Here are some examples: Bitch, cold hearted Bitch, narcissistic Bitch, selfish Bitch, sarcastic Bitch, ungrateful Bitch…the list goes on and on.

Because of all of that, I’ve just decided to take my throne and be your Queen Bitch.

I’ve looked up some definitions of the word “bitch.” It was interesting what I found. Here are my favorites:

Dictionary.com says: –noun - Slang . a.) A malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, esp. a woman. b.) a lewd woman.

The online slang dictionary says: a servant, subordinate, or inferior competitor. Often used in the possessive (I thought this one was interesting, but we’ll save for later)

Finally here is the wiki page for Bitch. I’ll let you read that one yourself.

Why am I a Bitch? I am a Bitch because I don’t choose to put up with any shit. It’s a rare thing if I ever do. I’ve had some experiences lately where I tolerated some shit and was quite beside myself over it. But that’s another story for another blog in another time… maybe in the Kingdom of Who Knows Where… who knows?

I don’t really give a shit if you like me or not and I don’t really care what you think about me. It’s none of my business. When I am hurt, I retaliate. I can be quite vindictive, and although I don’t think that behavior is appropriate, it happens. I can also be very passive aggressive when I am hurt or angry. I’m also very selfish and I am not afraid to admit that, either. I am completely vain and I care about how I look. I had my first kid when I was 19 and he ruined my body. You can be damn sure that last year when I got a really nice bonus check from work I had some “mommy repair surgery.” I’m proud of my body, my breasts, and how I look and I am not afraid to show that off. I am a total attention whore. I guess that falls in line with the Dictionary.com definition and I don’t disagree. I can be and have been all of those things.

But, did you know there are different levels of Bitch? In fact there are some Bitches that I would never keep company with. I may be vindictive, selfish and passive aggressive like I mentioned but there are lines that are very important to observe and keep track of.
For example, I would never malign someone publicly or try and discredit them. I may complain to my friends privately but I won’t publicly talk shit about you or anyone else. No matter how right I think I am or how wrong I think you are, that sort of thing will always reflect badly on me. It’s childish and stupid. I would never stick my nose in the business of others where their families are concerned. This kind of underhanded action only does harm. Should I remind you of a little phrase, “mind your own business?” I’ve seen these things countless times on Twitter, unfortunately. May I ask why? Is your life so boring that all you can do is concern yourself with the behavior of someone else? Good lord, people, just live and let live.

For me, I’ve got enough on my own plate to concern myself with rather then focusing on what someone else is doing or not doing. Because of that, I’ll cast my stones in my own back yard and save my vindictive, passive-aggressive behavior for one on one.

Here is something else you should know about me.

In regards to the narcissistic or self absorbed Bitch labels I’ve been given… If you saw me in the morning or anytime with no makeup you would never say “WOW, you are gorgeous.” Because, I am not. I KNOW that I am not beautiful or gorgeous in that “naturally” pretty sort of way. My husband thinks I am and says so, but that doesn’t really count. It’s like a requirement or something when married.

I’m really quite average in the looks department. I have to work for it, work at it, or whatever you want to call it. Like many people, I was teased in grade school and high school. I was too skinny and a late bloomer. The pictures you all see me post on Twitter or my blogs are carefully chosen. The makeup has to be complete, the hair done. The bags under my eyes can’t be too obvious or you will NEVER SEE the pictures. You may tell me based on looking at my pictures that you think I am pretty or you think I am beautiful, even, and yeah that’s great… thanks for that. But my face or my body is not what makes me pretty or beautiful. It’s my personality.

Yup, you guessed it! My Queen Bitch personality.

I’ve known, and do know many, many beautiful women. Many you see first thing in the morning and they are just naturally pretty, or they just came from the gym, hair is a mess and they still look good, gorgeous even, but when they start talking? Oh hell…forget it.
It takes more than a pretty face or a nice rack to be real. It takes more than a giggle and a flip of the hair to hold my interest.

I know many women who I believe are gorgeous. Maybe you wouldn’t agree and maybe you would. They are aesthetically pretty or average, yes, but that’s not all there is. They have an edge, an attitude that makes them come alive before your eyes. They are usually Bitches, too. These women are my favorite to hang and be real with. I’m happy to call them my friends.

When you are on the average side of pretty, and even if you have a nice body, then you still have to work at it. You have to learn to rely on your assets and that boils down to personality. This applies to men too.

People who have met me in person will tell you I am no different then when they only knew me on the web. Those same people will tell you that I am sweet, that I have a big heart, and that I care about people.

I can say, more or less, that yes, all of that is true. I’m loving. I’m caring. I genuinely will be there for you if you ever need someone to talk to or to lean on. I am also very loyal, to a fault. But I am a bitch too, a ruthless one at times.

Here are some of my favorite Bitches that I am proud to call friends. I love these women. They are REAL! They are gorgeous in my eyes, and it’s their personalities that make that so.

Welcome to my Bitch list, ladies!

@divine_pk This gem goes at the top of this list. This woman is so smart and funny. Let’s not even get into how talented she is, and completely gorgeous, inside and out. I talk to her every day, and recently spent the weekend in her home. She understands me like no other. Much love and respect to you, Paula. My favorite Bitch!

@CarrieClevenger OMG this woman has been a friend to me pretty much since I hit the stream of Twitter. She is grumpy, snarky, cynical, intelligent and TOTALLY AWESOME!! I love ever single part of her. She is one of the few people that encouraged me to write. I think she is very beautiful. I’ve no doubt she’ll be a friend for life. It was amazing to be able to spend time with her in person this past summer. She’s been recently published, too. So congrats, my friend, you’ve totally earned it! You can find the books here.

@fanyberg What a doll! Complete sweetheart. She is kind and loving, soft and so talented. She’s “Real,” and that makes her beautiful to me. We’ve met in person the end of July, too. She’s learned recently how to let her inner Bitch out! So proud of you darlin’. Love you.

@julianna12369 This woman is amazing. We’ve talked on twitter for a while, now, and we have some things in common. Just last night, out of the blue, we started talking in DM, and that led to chatting in yahoo. HELL, we have a LOT in common, and because of that she officially made my beautiful Bitch list. Love you girl, and I look forward to meeting in person and racing side by side down the freeway in our matching Beemers very soon!

@mistalicious Oh where to start with this woman? So sweet, completely adorable! Strong, and full of personality and wit! She had a mutual friend come to me and ask me to follow her back. I thought that was AWESOME! One of my Bitches, for sure, and we’ve met in person. Love you, my sweetie!

@shimmer418 Another amazing, beautiful woman. She’s one of the #boobiewednesday founders. We’ve started talking on the phone recently and I’ve been helping her out on the side with that cause. It takes a strong talented smart Bitch to embark on that campaign. Talk about the definition of “lewd” listed above; what’s more lewd then flaunting your bare chest and or cleavage every week or day even on the web right? Well let me tell you. It’s not lewd at all! It’s a way to bring attention to a very worthy cause. This woman has a heart of gold! Go visit her site: http://boobiewednesday.com/

@CtKscribe I don’t even know where to begin with this woman. She is simply AMAZING. She is loud and proud and so outspoken she’s become one of my idols. She is an awesome writer and funny as hell. Yes, she is gorgeous, too, but like the other women it’s her personality that makes her gorgeous to me. She is one awesome Bitch!

@redheadwriting I’ve met this woman in person, as well. We had lunch together. We connected. Why? You guessed it, she’s a Bitch. Just like me. Again, she is gorgeous, talented, funny and sarcastic. So strong in her heart and soul! She’s an amazing writer and she is also one of my idols. I would stand by her side anytime.

There are so many other women I could tell you about that make my Bitch list. If I listed them all, this blog would go on forever.

So what is my point? I guess it’s to say that I am a Bitch, and I am beyond okay with it.

I believe that the Bitch side of my personality is awesome, and there are those that absolutely LOVE that side of me. I embrace it. There are many things that make up being a Bitch. Some are not appealing to people and some are. I personally would rather be friends with a Bitch then someone who is cotton candy sweet with no depth.
If you’re a Bitch like me then you should embrace it!

Loving, caring, intelligent, funny, mean, nasty, sarcastic, and yes, sometimes lewd.

All of that works for me.

Much love to you all, and mostly, MUCH love to my Bitches!

Your Queen Bitch,
Wookiesgirl

P.S. Here is a video I made today of my brother explaining one of the reasons he thinks I’m a bitch, which I think is hilarious.

P.S.S I've added this awesome site I found online http://www.bitchware.net/ Check it out!

Friendship

I was having a discussion around the topic of “Friendship” with someone I currently consider a very close friend. We decided to write a blog… What makes a good friend, what kind of friends do we think we are? Etc…

She wrote her opinion of what she believes a true friend is.

I decided to write what I feel a true friend should do and would never do.

We asked another writer who happens to be one of my good friends to play “Devil’s Advocate.” Why? Well, because that’s what he does best…forever the cynic, this friend of mine. He will shoot holes in every part of what we’ve written.

…But let me add after reading his contribution I was quite surprised. Rather than shooting holes, he actually filled in some gaps I think. =)

Please comment and let us know what you think? What’s your opinion on “Friendship”? What kind of friend are you? What kind of friends do you surround yourself with? Whatever you choose is fine really…Just comment! We like comments…=)

Love ya!

Wookiesgirl

The following written By Flygirlie314

My Definition of Friendship: The bond between individuals where honesty, loyalty, devotion and acceptance are considered priorities.

In other words, you find qualities in another that you can relate to or embrace; aspects that might compliment one another, similarities that you might share.

What should friendship entail?

What do I expect from a friend?

A friend is someone who I can bare my heart and soul to, regardless of negativity or repercussions. Someone I can count on to tell me the truth about myself or situation no matter how ugly it may be. A friend is forgiving and trustworthy. A friend is someone who would accept you for everything you are, good and bad.

A friend is one who, no matter how much time passes without contact, you can pick up right where you left off. No second guesses, no insecurities.

Friendship passes the test of time.

A friend is one who answers the phone when the time is inconvenient. A friend comes through for you.

I think there should be no ifs, ands or buts in friendship. No holds barred.

Now, a friend doesn’t necessarily need to approve of your choices or decisions, a friend needs to understand why you make them and love you in spite of them.

…Flygirlie314

The following written by Me.. Wookiesgirl

My Definition of Friendship: A true friend stabs you in the front… Never in the back!

I’m going to tell you all about what I feel is NOT friendship.

Many times in my life I have been hurt by people, aka “friends”… Usually, because I thought they were my friends and they truly weren’t, or I thought them to be more of a friend then they really were.

Let me explain just a little… I feel that I may view/judge my friendships based on how I treat the person I am friends with. I hope for the same treatment or loyalty that I give in return.

Now I know what you’re thinking…how conditional right? Well no…not at all. I don’t give to my friends because I expect something in return… I give because I want to give… I can’t help myself. I’m a romantic where love and friendship are concerned. I automatically think that if I give you love, care and my loyalty, you will and should return it.

The problem is I don’t always get that love, care and loyalty in return.

I am a very loyal friend. I am a giving friend.

I have a mothering heart and if you need mothering, I can be that for you.

I will help you always when you need it and yes sometimes, as I mentioned before in a previous blog, I will let you fall on your ass when you need it.

I will tell you the truth when you refuse to see it or even hear it.

I do realize I am NOT perfect. I am a pain in the ass and I’m not always the best friend that I can be. I am quite sure I have hurt people. I try to clean that up and there is always more work and more amends to make… I am human and I do try to remember that my “friends” are human too.
Anyway…

In return for my love, care and loyalty I think you should give me the same… but this is not always the case with people…Most people fall short of my "friend" expectations.

Expectations get me in trouble. I end up getting my feelings hurt.

When you do something or don’t do something according to my expectations, no matter how rational or realistic those expectations may be… I know that it truly is my problem.

…But I digress… back to what I think a true friend is or isn’t:

A true friend will not stab you in the back by consistently telling you one thing to your face and then acting differently while you watch… then denying the behavior…UGH this makes me crazy… LOL

A true friend will tell you the truth, even if they think it will hurt.

A true friend will NOT LIE to you.

A true friend will not go behind your back to others and seek information about you or stir trouble, whether or not there is trouble to be found.

A true friend will defend you even if they think you’re wrong. They can rip into you later in private but in public they will stand by you.

A true friend won’t pick your man over you.

A true friend won’t take your man.

A true friend remains a friend… no matter what… No matter if they think you’re making bad choices or taking wrong actions, or if they don’t agree with your point of view.

A true friend stays true.

…WookiesGirl

The following written by CorbSilverthorn

The definitions given above are idealistic. It would be wonderful if everyone were able to be a good friend like that.

I don’t believe every individual has the capacity to be a good friend, especially in today’s society. The distractions make us absentee friends and the day to day grind of work and school and life in general, makes it too easy to not stay in touch. We do not seek each other “just because”. We seek each other when we need something. And I’m not talking about money or other material things (although yes, that too), I’m talking about emotional needs. We seek each other out when we need to unload our burdens. And yes, of course that’s part of friendship, but sometimes that’s the pattern we fall into. It’s no longer a give and take… it’s just a take.

When we expect a certain kind of behavior from a person we have befriended, we are automatically setting them up for failure, and we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. The moment we expect the same treatment or loyalty in return, that we give that person, we change the dynamics of friendship.

Friendship should be given with absolutely no expectations. It’s like lending money to a relative or friend; you should never expect it back.

We can never give ourselves completely to the person or people we call friends. We are never completely open. We all have that small deposit of thoughts that are locked away from everyone. Somewhere along the line every person becomes territorial, and somewhere along that winding road of friendship, that territory gets stomped on.

With all of that said, we have to realize men and women think and act differently when it comes to friendship. Although, I believe, women make better friends than men, women are also more uptight about maintaining friendships than men. Women are natural friends. Men, well, we really don’t think about it. We, for the most part, don’t feel a need to share what’s in our head, unless it’s something really stupid, funny, or something that will get us into trouble. We don’t talk about our emotions and we don’t hug each other… unless we’re saying hello and then it’s not even a real hug.

I know, I know, you are currently shaking your head and saying “not true, men hug!” that’s fine. Let’s move along now….

My point, yes, finally I’ve reached it… I think…

Friendship is an ever evolving creature. Why? Because we are ever evolving creatures and our circumstances are ever evolving. Sometimes the friendships last, sometimes they drift apart, sometimes they come back, and sometimes they don’t. We should be there for our friends, yes, so true. But we should also seek our friends when times are good and we just want to shoot the breeze. If your friend only seeks you when he or she needs to feed off of your energy, then that isn’t a true friend. If our own well is empty, we’ve got nothing to offer another person.

Kahlil Gibran said it best:

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

So, just relax and remember that not everyone is cut out to be a friend. Not everyone will be the friend that you think you are.

…CorbSilverthorn